The Child Within (for Mandy)

horrors known only to me
you wouldn't understand

the grief I've known
and tried to share
	mine alone to bear

because no one would listen
to that child within

that screamed to get out
and once she did,

no one was there.

        ~ ~

No one could believe
what this child's been through
and when she grew up

the wounds were still there
the Soul was still beaten,
	still black and blue

no one could believe
what this child's been through.

        ~ ~


So I grew up
inspite of it all
yet hid my face
and felt the tremour
of starved embrace
	and built a Wall

no one ever hugged me
they left me alone
to bloom among
Flowers, so
I bonded with Stone

I was neglected
never told I was pretty
ignored when I cried
	and you think,
what a pity!!

        ~ ~

But that's not what I want
and I'd rather forget
that I knew less of trust
	and more of regret

all that I never had
the lost toys, the proud smile
when all I ever wanted
was my parents'
company for awhile

but I was never important
enough to win their love
	So I lost what I never had


	and now I wear it like a glove;

for what else is an adult now
supposed to do?

no one could believe
what this child's been through.

        ~ ~

So my parents died in me
before they left Earth
leaving me the guilt
I've felt since Birth

wasn't I enough
to hold precious and dear
to soothe away insecurity
and chase the demons I fear?

just a litte girl
who wondered what she lacked
for the times she reached out
	yet nothing touched back

So I died in My parents
and smiled,
wondering when

	now that I was in Heaven,
	would they finally
	hold 
	the part of me they never
		before touched:

		Was it time Now
		to soothe the aching
			of that Child Within . . .

				        ~ ~

/S.Stumpf
This Poem Written for Mandy 2/14/02
A "Survivor" in other Ways
See Mandy's Site for Great Inspiration
if your a Survivor of Child Abuse, Rape, Depression, Suicidal Tendencies, etc.
Mandy's Depression
		~ ~
*I myself was an Emotionally Neglected Child, a form
of Child Abuse not that much different than
Physical Abuse and Just as Damaging.
It's been hard to face this Reality, but I had
no choice.....it has followed me through
an emotionally-starved Childhood
into Womanhood, and I can't escape
it and I'm tired of running away
from that Wounded child within
that is screaming;  I've tried
to confront that hurt and lonely child
but it's not easy to see another part of yourself
when you think your someone else.
So I hush the embarassing cries,
I stifle the geyser of bleeding just long enough
to see myself through another Day.
I'm a Writer, thank God for that, and I "get it
out" or, rather, it "seeps out" on its own onto
those bleeding pages of mine.
We're working on being a "Survivor" too.*
Thank you Mandy for all your Inspiration,
your Tears, Your Bleeding, Your Pain,
Your Woundedness, Your Survival Instinct.
I've  adopted worse things in Life . . .
and strays have always followed me home.
I have to remember Three things:
I am my own Best Friend.
I am Not the Enemy.
I've done Nothing Wrong.
I am a Wounded Child.
But I can be an Adult Survivor.
Let the Healing Begin!!!